The new The Trying album, Self-Titled, has been wrapped up now for
approximately six months, yet hasn't been released. I was determined to make
the release special and more professional than my previous ones. I spent a lot
of time on developing a solid game plan; however, the execution has been
delayed and delayed. This isn't due to any personal hang ups but has,
unfortunately, been a simple product of lacking funds. I've lacked an income 17
of the last 34 weeks, while facing a significant increase in living cost due to
moving to a new city and I just found out I'm basically not going to have a tax
return this year. This isn't a pity statement - I'm okay financially,
personally. But I just simply don't have the money for much extra, and as I
think about what I wanted to do for the release of this record - I know it
could end up being close to another 6 months before I release it.
This release plan has failed, which is
disappointing. However, the album itself is a success. The idea for this album
started in early 2012, shortly after releasing Capitalism
Is Sexy. Personally, I was feeling suffocated. I fell into yet another
depressive cycle. I was unhappy with where I was and with where I was going.
Things just weren't working out. Just months ago, I had been accepted into
graduate school and was a few years away from receiving a doctorate degree. Due
to very unexpected circumstances coupled by a hard decision, that didn't pan
out. And then now, here I was, not in school and working an entry level
job.
I wasn't working toward my goals, but the
reason why was simple - I had never had the confidence to set my true goals.
The goals that I knew with every fiber of my being I needed to set.
I love music. I love creating music. I
love learning about music. I love producing music. I love what music has done
for me and the power it has to make me feel every emotion. I always have. The
very first concept I ever had of my future self, as an extremely young child,
involved music. That's what I wanted to be when I "grew up" - someone
who got to make music a central part of their live, in some way. And I mean,
central.
Since I've known how to write the English
language, I have been writing songs. Songs in which I used to sing in to a
children's tape recorder that had a microphone attached to it. I had a cheap,
children's acoustic guitar that I never knew how to play, but would make songs
(consisting entirely of open strums and strings) that I would actually
remember, and then stand on my bed, as if it were a stage, and perform to the
audience I imagined before me.
There has never been any doubt, in my
heart, of what I "wanted to do." Yet somehow, I never was confident
enough to express this. Growing up, getting asked the infamous, "what do
you want to be when you grow up?" - my replies were always about something
I was interested in at the time, other than music. An artist (drawing), an
author, a skateboarder, an architect, a counselor, a teacher...not someone who
directly worked with music. And every time I lied to an adult, and then later
on, to my peers, about who I "wanted to be" - I lied to myself. Due to
my overall curiosity with life, it became easy to convince myself that there
were other things I'd be just as happy doing other than music. Something less
risky, something more stable. And when I became successful at whatever that
was, I'd do music on the side.
So, going back to early 2012 - this
realization started hitting me like a ton of bricks. And any remaining doubt I
still may have had was obliterated in April of that year where I performed my
first (and as of yet, only) The Trying show. This wake-up call was partnered
with a real sense of urgency. I felt like I had to make things happen soon or
it would never happen. I've since come to reform that concept to simply,
"I have to make things happen or they never will." Time is still a
factor, but placing too much urgency on something can really make dealing with
the inevitable let-downs that will come difficult.
But that pressure - that's what started
the new album. It was either going to my last album or the one the changed my
life. The album is a reflection of a young adult both apologizing to his inner
child for not having the strength to follow his dreams, and simultaneously
showing anger to that same child for being a dreamer instead of a do-er.
Ultimately, both of these identities had to be laid to rest,
spawning a new identity that had faith in himself – and wouldn’t let their insecurities
get in the way of doing what had to be done to find happiness. An intelligent
and balanced relationship between logic and heart had to be born. While this
new identity is still forming – the album focuses on the death of the old.
I chose to title the album “Self-Titled” (not to be confused with
an eponymous title). It refers to a sense of accountability of who and where
you are. To understand what has happened to you, and how you have reacted to
these events in the past, makes up who you are; and if you want to be someone
or somewhere else, then you’re going to have to start doing things differently.
In a weird metaphoric way – keeping this new album to myself feels
like baggage. I am excited to present it, albeit in a less spectacular way than
I had originally hoped. I have a lot of confidence in the record. The lyrical
content is very personal, as always. Production-wise, it’s leaps and bounds
ahead of anything I’ve done in the past. I said that about the last record too,
and I meant it – and I’m sure the next record I do will be exponentially better
produced than Self-Titled as well. That’s the rate of growth I am looking for –
something that was lacking before. Musically – it features much more
sophisticated song-writing than in the past, and I am very excited for everyone
to hear it.
I will make the album available for download, along with a PDF of album
art/lyrics, on February 15th. It will be available on the new The
Trying website, www.thetrying.net. I
will also have it streaming on various websites as well. I look forward to
sharing this part of myself with everyone. In the mean time, you can check out
the three tracks that I have released from it thus far here.
Love,
Chris
