Self-Titled

The new The Trying album, Self-Titled, has been wrapped up now for approximately six months, yet hasn't been released. I was determined to make the release special and more professional than my previous ones. I spent a lot of time on developing a solid game plan; however, the execution has been delayed and delayed. This isn't due to any personal hang ups but has, unfortunately, been a simple product of lacking funds. I've lacked an income 17 of the last 34 weeks, while facing a significant increase in living cost due to moving to a new city and I just found out I'm basically not going to have a tax return this year. This isn't a pity statement - I'm okay financially, personally. But I just simply don't have the money for much extra, and as I think about what I wanted to do for the release of this record - I know it could end up being close to another 6 months before I release it.

This release plan has failed, which is disappointing. However, the album itself is a success. The idea for this album started in early 2012, shortly after releasing Capitalism Is Sexy. Personally, I was feeling suffocated. I fell into yet another depressive cycle. I was unhappy with where I was and with where I was going. Things just weren't working out. Just months ago, I had been accepted into graduate school and was a few years away from receiving a doctorate degree. Due to very unexpected circumstances coupled by a hard decision, that didn't pan out. And then now, here I was, not in school and working an entry level job. 

I wasn't working toward my goals, but the reason why was simple - I had never had the confidence to set my true goals. The goals that I knew with every fiber of my being I needed to set. 

I love music. I love creating music. I love learning about music. I love producing music. I love what music has done for me and the power it has to make me feel every emotion. I always have. The very first concept I ever had of my future self, as an extremely young child, involved music. That's what I wanted to be when I "grew up" - someone who got to make music a central part of their live, in some way. And I mean, central. 

Since I've known how to write the English language, I have been writing songs. Songs in which I used to sing in to a children's tape recorder that had a microphone attached to it. I had a cheap, children's acoustic guitar that I never knew how to play, but would make songs (consisting entirely of open strums and strings) that I would actually remember, and then stand on my bed, as if it were a stage, and perform to the audience I imagined before me. 

There has never been any doubt, in my heart, of what I "wanted to do." Yet somehow, I never was confident enough to express this. Growing up, getting asked the infamous, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" - my replies were always about something I was interested in at the time, other than music. An artist (drawing), an author, a skateboarder, an architect, a counselor, a teacher...not someone who directly worked with music. And every time I lied to an adult, and then later on, to my peers, about who I "wanted to be" - I lied to myself. Due to my overall curiosity with life, it became easy to convince myself that there were other things I'd be just as happy doing other than music. Something less risky, something more stable. And when I became successful at whatever that was, I'd do music on the side.

So, going back to early 2012 - this realization started hitting me like a ton of bricks. And any remaining doubt I still may have had was obliterated in April of that year where I performed my first (and as of yet, only) The Trying show. This wake-up call was partnered with a real sense of urgency. I felt like I had to make things happen soon or it would never happen. I've since come to reform that concept to simply, "I have to make things happen or they never will." Time is still a factor, but placing too much urgency on something can really make dealing with the inevitable let-downs that will come difficult.

But that pressure - that's what started the new album. It was either going to my last album or the one the changed my life. The album is a reflection of a young adult both apologizing to his inner child for not having the strength to follow his dreams, and simultaneously showing anger to that same child for being a dreamer instead of a do-er.

Ultimately, both of these identities had to be laid to rest, spawning a new identity that had faith in himself – and wouldn’t let their insecurities get in the way of doing what had to be done to find happiness. An intelligent and balanced relationship between logic and heart had to be born. While this new identity is still forming – the album focuses on the death of the old.

I chose to title the album “Self-Titled” (not to be confused with an eponymous title). It refers to a sense of accountability of who and where you are. To understand what has happened to you, and how you have reacted to these events in the past, makes up who you are; and if you want to be someone or somewhere else, then you’re going to have to start doing things differently.

In a weird metaphoric way – keeping this new album to myself feels like baggage. I am excited to present it, albeit in a less spectacular way than I had originally hoped. I have a lot of confidence in the record. The lyrical content is very personal, as always. Production-wise, it’s leaps and bounds ahead of anything I’ve done in the past. I said that about the last record too, and I meant it – and I’m sure the next record I do will be exponentially better produced than Self-Titled as well. That’s the rate of growth I am looking for – something that was lacking before. Musically – it features much more sophisticated song-writing than in the past, and I am very excited for everyone to hear it.

I will make the album available for download, along with a PDF of album art/lyrics, on February 15^th. It will be available on the new The Trying website, www.thetrying.net. I will also have it streaming on various websites as well. I look forward to sharing this part of myself with everyone. In the mean time, you can check out the three tracks that I have released from it thus far here.

Love,

Chris